This Kind Of Love Never Dies
by notarealhipster
Summary: Stefan and Elena are finally back together. Things are going well for them, they are finally sharing everything with each other and vowing never to keep and secrets or lies. But there are still so many issues to work out lke.. WHat will Damon think?


"Elena, I just, I have to ask you something." Bonnie said as the tow girls sat at the coffee place.

"What?" I asked, looking up from my latte. I knew exactly what my best friend was about to ask.

"Its about Stefan. Or Damon. Er, both, I guess..."

"Bonnie-"

"No, Elena. We need to talk about this. For months we've just pushed it aside, pretended it wasn't there. But it is. And as your best friend it is my moral obligation to help you through these things."

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I just... Okay. When Stefan left, it was because he had to, to save his brother. He did it for Damon. And you were hurt, I know that. But then, something happened. Damon, happened. And all summer you two were trying to track Stefan down, dead end after dead end. And then he shows up. And then what? It's just seems like neither of you know what to say to the other." Bonnie took a deep breath, I stayed quiet, actually interested in knowing what mu friend's opinion or advice on the situation would be.

"So, please, can you just tell me. Are you in love with Stefan, like you were before?"

I sat there for a moment, saying nothing.

"Yes. Yes, of course I love Stefan. I mean, how could I not. I was so heartbroken when he left, even though i knew it wasn't his fault. I guess it was easier to believe that it was. And then Damon, he was just, always there. He was sort of like this distraction from everything."

"So, next question. Do you love Damon?" This question took Elena a little longer to answer.

"I don't think so."

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"I think I am. I just think, when Klaus compelled Stefan, on Senior Prank Night? Part of me wondered if maybe this would solve all my problems. If maybe, now that Stefan can be nothing but horrible, that it will make me love him less. But it only made me miss the real Stefan more."

"So, that's it?"

"I guess that it. I love him, and as far as I can tell, I'm always going to and obviously we've learned that nothing can change that."

"Than you need to do something."

That night, I was sitting in my room, staring at a blank page of my Diary. The last time I can remember feeling like this was last year, the night of the comet. I had only just met Stefan, I had no idea he was a vampire, about Bonnie, about any of the drama that had yet to enter my life. The only thing I knew at that moment was that there was something about Stefan Salvatore. Something that drew me to him, something I felt like I needed. I had been so sad for so long, after the bridge, losing my parents. For the first time, I felt good, and happy, like I had something i was allowed to look forward to.

Driving up to Stefan and Damon's house just like I had so many times before should feel normal. But there was something different about this time. I knew why I was here, what I had to do. As I walked to the front door, using the huge antique knocker, I forced myself to calm down and take a few deep breaths. Finally, the door opened.

"Elena." There he was. Stefan. The guy I could never imagine myself getting over, the guy I really didn't want to get over.

"Is Damon here?" I asked. I knew how it had sounded the second the words left my mouth.

"You're here to see Damon?" He said, his voice was flat, but I could always see the pain in his eyes.

"No. I just wanted to know if he was here I'm here to see you." I looked at him, at his perfect face, his eyes, the mouth that used to smile when he saw me was now serious.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Sure." he stepped aside, letting me in. "What are you doing here?'

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Um, Remember last year, the night of the comet, the night-"

"The night of our first kiss." He remembered.

"Do you remember what I had said to you, before that?"

"You said you went home to write in your diary, but you realized you were just writing things that you should be telling me."

"Yes. Well, the same thing just happened to me. Just now. There I was, siting in my bedroom, trying to write what I was feeling. But I couldn't get it down on paper."

"Elena..."

"No, Stefan. I need to say this. Please." He motioned as if to say 'go on'. "Last spring, when you left. I, I hadn't felt that broken since my parents died. I didn't know what to do. All summer all I could think about was you. If you were safe, where you were, what you were doing, if you were thinking about me even a fraction of the amount that i was thinking about you. And then, so much happened, and all so fast. I couldn't figure out how to just slow down long enough to process everything. But, through all of this. Through everything with You, Damon, Klaus, Elijah...everyone. There has been one thing that has stayed the same. Constant." My head was spinning after finally blurting all of that out. He just looked at me for a second.

"What?"

"You."

"You know i've changed Elena, i'm probably the most inconsistent thing in your life."

"No. Not that. You, and me. I love you Stefan, for a while I though I could change that, but I can't. As hard as i've tried to see you as this, villain. I can't. Because I know it's not you. I know it, Stefan. Am I wrong?"

"No." He whispered, looking down at the hardwood floors.

"Do you love me?" When I said that, he finally looked up and locked eyes with me.

"Of course I love you. Elena. You are the only thing that has gotten me through this. through, everything. I love you more I've done so many things, so many thing that would make you hate me, that I already hate myself for. Plus, you and Damon..." His eyes were glassy, like he might cry.

"No! No, that means nothing. I just, I was looking for a distraction. Something to make me forget, to make me stop caring. I though that it would. But, I was wrong." He took a step closer, but still refused to touch me.

"But, I've done so many things, killed, so many people. I don't- I don't want to feel it Elena."

"I know Stefan, I know. Its going to be hard. But, I'm here. I will always be here. Always, Stefan. I promise". He took two more steps and practically fell into me. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as tight as I could. I heard a sob escape his mouth.

"I- Elena, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being like this."

"Shhh, no, don't say you're sorry." He pulled away, his amazing green eyes just an inch away from me. I moved my hand to his cheek.

"I've missed you so much." I said, finally allowing myself to cry, the tears just fell, I couldn't hold it in any more.

"I love you." Than, finally, he leaned in and kissed me. Part of me felt like we had never been apart, while the other part felt like it had been forever since I've been with Stefan like this. My eyes fluttered open which was when I saw him looking at me through my tears. He wiped them away with his thumb, holding my closer. We stumbled backwards until me fell onto his bed. He held my closely for a long time. At one point he pulled away, looking down at me intensely, stroking my cheek, he whispered quietly; "I promise to never leave you. Ever."

"Are you awake?" I heard Stefan say quietly as we lay in his bed later that night.

"Yes." He stroked my hair, his other hand holding mine.

"I want to give you something." He said, getting up and walking over to a closed armoire in his room. He opened one of the mirrored doors and I saw hundreds of leather-bound journals. He pulled one out from the top of a pile and handed it to me.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It's-Well, it's everything I wrote in the past few months. I just, I want you to know how I was really feeling. Anything you read in there will be more real than whatever I say now. I just, I want you to know how much I was thinking about you. How, every day we were apart, every day I wasn't right here with you, like this, I was wishing that I was. I thought about you every day, Elena. I thought about how you were here with my brother and how somehow, he was becoming the person who you talked to, who you were relying on. I thought about how things used to be..."

" You don't have to do this Stefan. It's your journal, it's personal."

"No, no. I want to. I really want to. I don't want to hide anything from you anymore, no lies, no secrets."

"Okay".

It wasn't until the next day while I was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee that I build up the nerve to open Stefan journal. Truthfully, I kind of wanted ot read it. But I also knew that I wouldn't want anyone reading my journal, it just felt like I was invading his privacy. But, Stefan asked me to. So I was going to do it. I opened to the first page which was dated May 23, 2011.

2 years ago today was the first day I ever saw Elena Gilbert. If only then I knew where things would end up. I've been gone for only two weeks, but it feels like so much longer. I despise this, every second of it. But obeying Klaus was the only way. I knew what I was getting myself into, I just can't believe I didn't even say goodbye. I miss her every second of every day. I just want to know that she's okay. Elena is strong, stronger than me, stronger than anyone I have ever met.I know she can handle this, she can handle anything.

Right now Klaus and I are in Atlanta. He doesn't tell me much about what his plan is but I can safely say it will end badly. My most dominant feeling is currently hunger. I have had more human blood in the past two weeks than in several years. I'm not going to say that I don't enjoy it, but the amount of bodies i've left behind still do not outweigh the guilt I cannot help but feel. I could turn it off at any moment. It would be the easiest thing in the world. Then, I wouldn't have to feel any of the pain. Its everywhere; I feel it every time I think of Elena, of Damon, about how many people i've hurt or killed. The second I turn it off, it would all be gone, I would feel nothing. And even after all of this, there is a small part of me that believes that maybe life would be easier that way.

I can't help but feel even worse today. May 23, 2009 was the day my life changed forever. I remember it so vividly...I had just returned home for the first time in years. I was feeding in the woods when I heard the car go over Wickery Bridge. I got there as fast as I could merely on impulse. And then, when I was finally able to pull this girl out of the water, I was shocked and baffled at what I saw. She as beautiful, the kind of beauty a guy only gets to see once in his lifetime. Somehow, I was seeing it for the second time. I left the minute the Ambulance arrived, but the though of Katherine being back in Mystic Falls was something I couldn't let go of. But it took little to no time for me to realize that this was definitely not Katherine. I quickly found out her name, Elena Gilbert. I recognised the last name from the 1800's, but that's not what I cared about. SHe was just, so sad. I could see her friends trying to help her, but it was impossible. I remember writing during that time that there was something special about her, a strength that I know Katherine, or anyone else for that matter, ever had. And then, just a few months later that we met.

How had I done so much damage in such a short amount of time?

It took me a while to read up to the end of summer. It was 3 AM when I got to the day I was most curious about. August 26th.

I called her. I don't know why, what my reasoning was at the time, but i did it. And she answered. I wasn't sure if she would, but she did.

"Hello?"

That single word made me remember everything I had left behind, every feeling of sadness and anger and regret that I felt for leaving her behind. As she talked, there was nothing I could do. I just listened to her voice, trying to remember the way she sounded, to take in everything she said. it was all I could do to keep myself sane.

I've lost her, I know that. I don't expect to be forgiven for what i've done. But I just hope that Elena will find happiness in her life, whomever it may be with.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I don't know why or how, but I just knew it had been Stefan on the phone...

As I continued to read his most personal thoughts, it only made me fall more in love with him. Not because everything he was saying was beautiful, but because he trusted me enough with this information. Some of the things that Stefan had written over this summer were scary. There were even a few things that surprised me. But I knew who he was and I knew that he had been telling the truth about no more lying or secrets. This was our new beginning and if it was going to be a complete fresh start, I felt like there was something i needed to do.

The next day at school I was shocked ot see Stefan standing at his locker.

"Stefan?" I said, running over ot him and throwing my arms around him. "What are you doing here?" I asked, smiling up at him.

"I thought it was about time I got back to real life. Or, you know, as real as my life can be. I came here in the first place to live a life. I may have gotten a little off track but i'm good now. This feels good." When he said that last part i felt him tighten his grip around me.

"I'm so happy you're here!" I said, standing on my toe to kiss him lightly. "Also because, I have something for you." I said.

"Okay."

"Come on." I grabbed his hand and pulled him out through a side door.

"Thank you. For this." I said, pulling his leather bound notebook out of my bad. "I felt kind of bad reading it. But I just, i love that you trusted it with me. And - Some of the things you wrote. They were beautiful" I handed it to him. " And I just, I want to be just as honest and open with you as you were with me". I pulled my very own leather bound notebook out of my bag and handed it to him.

"Elena, you dont have to do this. Really. I have a lot more skeletons in my closet than you, trust me."

"I want you to know the truth, Stefan. The whole truth. And to be honest, this is the only thing that will give it to you". I wanted it to him. "Just promise me you'll read it. Please."

"Okay". Stefan responded, leaning in for one more kiss before we both had to rush to Alaric's History class.

History class, as always, was more of a walk down memory lane than anything else. It gave me plenty of time to comprehend everything that has been going on. There she was, sitting right in front of me. Elena. The girl I fell in love with, then completely ruined everything with, finally wanted me again. When she showed up at my house a few days ago asking if Damon was home, I swear it felt like someone had actually ripped my heart out. But then, it wasn't Damon she had been looking for. It was me. She was there to see me. I don't know why, but i found myself trying to prove to her that she wasn't the guy she thought I was. The truth is, I know that Elena is too good for me, i'm reminded of that every day. I see it in the way she treats the people she loves, how she would do absolutely anything for them. I see it when she looks at me, like I"M the most amazing thing she's ever seen. But somehow, she still loved me after everything I have done.

Alaric was standing in the front of the room, giving a lecture about The CIvil War for another 35 minutes until we could go. As I walked down the halls with Elena's hand in mine, I could hear the whispers of the people all around us.

"I heard he got arrested".

"I heard she's pregnant".

"I can't believe they got back together".

I was forced to ignore all of the comments, even though I as able to hear every one of them.

"So, I'll see you later?" I asked as she pulled a notebook out of her locker.

"Okay." Elena responded, giving me a quick kiss before she walked off in the opposite direction. I watched her walk away, amazing about how normal and average this day had been going thus far. But I didn't want to jinx it, so I just kept quiet.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Elena had to be home after school to meet up with Bonnie. Which meant was going to have to deal with Damon. As I walked in the front door I heard him upstairs.

"Damon!" I called. In less than a second he was standing right in front of me.

"What can I help you with, Brother?" He asked, giving me a pat on the shoulder.

"I need to talk to you." I tried to give as little away as possible, that was always safest while dealing with my brother.

"What about?" He asked, sauntering over to the liquor cart and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

"Elena."

"Ahhh...Yes. Elena. You know, we had a great time while you were off on you're little Klaus adventures."

"Damon."

"Stefan."

"Look, not that I owe you an explanation. But you should know, Elena and I- We."

"So there's a 'we' again?" he said. He was trying to make it seem like he was unfazed by this, but i knew my brother well enough to know that this of all things mattered to him.

"Yes. There is."

"Well, I wish you two the best of luck."

With that, I made my way upstairs and tried to decide whether I should really be reading Elena's journal.

January 12, 2011

I feel happy. For the first time in a long time, everything is secure, good. Stefan is amazing. And, I'll just be honest, that is really the main thing that is making me feel this good. It took a lot of drama, but we finally got to a good place where I know enough, obviously not everything though. I'm not sure i'm ready to hear the 165 year biography of my vampire boyfriend. But for now, I know what I need to know. I'm sure the will things in the future that will be hard, that's life. But for now, being with Stefan, everything seems okay. Like, we'll be able to get through it. Together. I love him so much. I will never be able to repay Stefan for everything he's done for me, even before I knew he was there to thank. He has saved my life more time than I can count, and i'll never forget that. Sure, there are still a lot of conversations to be had about the future we could have, but for no i'm not ready to deal with those things just yet. I just want to live my life right now. That's all I can ask for.

Seeing her words written down on the page made everything seems so real. In this one book held everything she's felt since we first met up until now, which to be honest was a lot to take in. Especially when I read the entry's from this past summer. It broke my non-beating heart to know how sad she had been and that I had been the one to cause that. I don't want her to have to feel that way ever, she doesn't deserve it. After everything Elena has had to deal with in her short life, the last thing she deserves is to have to deal with any more sadness.

July 7, 2011

I miss Stefan more than I can explain. I miss they way that no matter how he was feeling; happy, sad, angry, his eyes were always the amazing green. I missed sleeping in his bed and the smell of his sheets. I miss knowing that no matter what, there is at least one person out there who will always protect me. Damon has been really, present lately. I appreciate everything he's done for me, but I just- Whenever i'm around him, I am reminded of why Stefan had to leave in the first place. I'm not mad at Damon for what happened last spring, but I can't say that i'll ever look at him the same way.

I spent a decent amount of that night reading. I tried to convince myself to stop several times but I just, it was sort of addicting. The next day at school I saw Elena standing with Bonnie and Caroline.

"Hey."

"Hey!" She said, smiling and giving me a quick kiss.

"Well, we better go..." Caroline said as she and Bonnie backed away.

"So, did you read it?" She asked when we were alone.

"Yes."

"And?"

"And... I feel kind of bad. I don't want you to think I gave you mine just so I could have yours."

"I know That's now what I think at all! I just, I want to share everything with you..."

"Well then." She laughed and I leaned down, kissing her.

"Is this really happening?" She siad quietly as I kissed her cheek.

"Whats that?"

"This. You and me. I mean, its been like, three days, and no drama."

"I think that's some kind of a record for us."

"I think you're right. But, should we be worried?"

"Why would we be worried?"

"Because. Dam-"

"Shhhh. Don't. Lets just, enjoy this while it lasts, okay?"

"But, have you talked to him?"

I stopped kissing her neck and took a deep breath. "Yes."

She gave me this look that let me know she wanted to know more.

"He's, Damon. I don't know what else to say. You know how he can be. Angry, impulsive. But, I really don't know what else to do but ignore it."

"Ignore it. I like that plan." Elena said, smiling up at me and taking my hand.

"So I'll see you after school?"

"I'll be there at 4".

Stefan wasn't home yet when I got to his house. The house was quiet so I assumed I was alone. I went up to his room and pressed play on his ipod speakers, music blasted through the house.e I sad on his bed and flipped through the open book on his bedside table.

"Elena." I heard a voice say. I whipped my head up and saw Damon standing in front of me.

"Damon." I said, shocked to see him. I turned off the music.

"What do you want, Damon?" I said.

"Seriously?" He took a step towards me but I quickly backed away. I could tell he was drunk, and his eyes were doing that crazy staring thing that freaks everyone out.

"Damon, just, sleep it off, okay?" I said, trying to push him away which was a dumb move on my part because it's not like I would ever be stronger than either him or Stefan, for obvious reasons.

"You're lying to yourself, Elena. There is NO way you didn't feel anything for me. I know it." He had his hand around me arm and there was no way I was getting away.

"Damon, let me go and i will give you an explanation." I said, trying to sound stronger and more confidant than i actually was. With that, he finally let go.

"Fine. Explain."

"Damon...When I though you were going to die last spring, I, that kiss, was to say goodbye. And when Stefan left, everything with you..I thought maybe if i tried not to think about him, that it would just go away. But it didn't. I didn't mean to lead you on, so if I did i'm sorry. But I just, I wanted to get Stefan back, for him to be okay again. Maybe I was convincing myself that there be something with us but I love Stefan, i'm always going to love Stefan. But I am sorry." When I had finished talking, Damon just stood there for a while.

"What's going on?" I heard Stefan's voice from the doorway.

"Nothing." Damon said, finally saying something. "I was just leaving." He took a few steps backwards and finally made his way out of the room. I didn't feel anything romantic for Damon, but I still felt bad for hurting him.

"What was that about?" Stefan asked.

"Nothing. I just, I guess he needed closure."

"Elena..."

"Stefan. You need to trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about."

"I can't blame anyone but myself for you two becoming so close. I left..."

"We only became so close because I knew he was the one person who might be able to help get you back. THAT'S what mattered to me Stefan, you need to believe that."

"I do. And, I just, I love you so much." H took the few steps from the door to me, putting his hands on either side of my face. Even now, after seeing him like this so many times, it still made my heart race.

"I love you too." He kissed me, and I exhaled, letting go of all of the things that happened in the time since I first met Stefan. All I have wanted throughout that entire time was to be with Stefan. And now I finally was.

"Stefan?"

"Mmhmm." We were again, lying in his bed later that night.

"I need to ask you something that I don't think you're going to want to hear."

"You can ask me anything."

"What happened to Klaus? He just sort of, disappeared. You told me he was gone forever. I just- I can't believe that it was all that easy." He pulled away from me and took a deep breath.

"Klaus, uh... Well, When Bonnie and her Mom unlocked the tomb, it was Klaus and Elijah's mother who was inside. She said she was here to forgive him but, she lied. She made them believe that she wanted them all to be a family again but the truth was, she was waiting for the perfect time to kill her children, and herself. Are you sure you really want to hear this Elena?"

"Yes, yes, i'm sure. I need to hear this." So he continued,

"Klaus, Elijah, all of the other originals, and their mother were all living in the house for a while, until one night, they all died. I honestly don't know all the details. But I do know that she was the only one who knew how to kill an original, and she did it."

"Wow."

"I know, it's a lot. But, just know that you have nothing to worry about any more."

"Except, you know, your crazy brother, my witch best friend, Tyler, the hybrid, and the fact that Jeremy is still not returning any of my calls."

"You haven't heard anything?"

"Nothing. I assume that's a good thing though, right?"

"Maybe. I would keep trying. He has to answer at some point."

"Yeah..."

"What was that about Yesterday?" I finally asked Damon when he emerged from his room for the first time in hours.

"What ever are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I was talking about."

"Ohhh...Right. With Elena? Oh, that was nothing. Just two old friends reminiscing. Nothing for you to worry about, Stef."

"I want you to stay away form Elena."

"Oh, protective-and-in-love Stefan is back, what a joy!" He said, sarcastically as usual.

"I'm serious Damon, things are finally getting back to normal and the last thing i need is you screwing it up."

"You think THIS is normal? Tell me Stefan, honestly tell me that it didn't feel great to let loose, to let go of the pain, to turn it off. Because if you tell me it wasn't the best feeling in the world than you're a liar."

"I'm not going to say that things wouldn't be easier if I made the choice to live my life that way because we all know it would be. But it's not how i WANT to live."

"Whatever. I'm over it."

"Yeah, right."

And without a word, he walked out the front door.

I want to be able to enjoy the way things have been going, but I can't help but worry about where Damon is and what kind of damage he could be doing.


End file.
